Every now and then I get an e-mail from someone who read my post on Post Adoption Depression (Is P.A.D. real?). I wrote that post in August of 2006 (and used the same picture) and I am amazed at how many people still refer to it and how often someone will e-mail me to ask where to find that post. Just this week I got three separate e-mails from women who are dealing with P.A.D., but are afraid to talk about it because not everyone believes that P.A.D. is real. I just have three very simple words in response to that: P.A.D. IS real. I've lived it and I often wonder if I have completely overcome it.
With Tahlia not feeling well this week, she has been waking up a lot at night and she has been more clingy than normal. These two things have taken me back to the height of my P.A.D several times this week and it didn't take much for my tears to fall when thinking about those first 18 months home. I was surprised at how raw it still is.
However, I was lying next to Tahlia in her bed the other night because she was upset and not feeling well and I started thinking about the many, many nights I had to sleep next to her when we first came home. The difference between then and the other night is that back then I fought back the tears while trying to comfort Tahlia, I resented her for crying, I tried hard to feel love and understanding towards her and I just absolutely did not want to be with her at all. The other night I felt nothing but love and understanding for my girl and I didn't care if I had to stay in her bed all night long, as long as she felt safe and better.
Tahlia and I have come a long way and I am happy to know that people continue to get something out of my posts on P.A.D. Opening up about it has ended up being one of the best things I could have done for myself, but obviously for others as well.