I am sitting with a group of other moms today and a woman gets up and says the following: "Can I have the attention of all you moms?" Then looks at me and says: "Oh, and the adoptive mom, too".
Huh? Am I not a mom? Why the need to exclude me from "the moms" and put me in a separate category by myself as "the adoptive mom"?
After a while, I very calmly approached the woman who made those comments and told her that I was a mom just like everyone else there and that there was no reason to differentiate the two types of moms at all. A mother is a mother. Plain and simple. She explained her thinking behind her statement: She just wanted to get the attention of all the moms and when she saw me she realized I wasn't "a real mom", but she didn't want me to think that she wasn't addressing me, so she wanted to make sure I felt included. Whatever. I felt included until she called me "the adoptive mom".
At first I was taken off guard by her statements and I was angry and hurt. Am I any different from her, really? She may have given birth to her children and I may have adopted mine, but we both want the best for our kids. We both would lay down our lives for our children right now if we had to. We both marvel in our children's success and we are both proud of everything they have accomplished so far. We both cried when our babies went to preschool for the first time. We both worry about our children's health and well being. We both agree that there is no love as strong as the love we have for our children.
Her words may have stung this afternoon and I was angry with her, but now I just feel sorry for her. Sorry that she doesn't know or understand that the love I have for my girls is so strong and powerful that I can't even put it into words. The fact that I didn't give birth to Jazzie and Tahlia doesn't mean our connection isn't special. The connection to my girls may not be biological but it is just as deep and just as profound as any mother's connection to her children, only in a different and very spiritual way.