When I was checking my calender earlier this week, I realized that it was three years ago today that we received Tahlia's referral. Isn't it funny how I remember every single detail of Jazzie's referral day, but almost forgot Tahlia's? When we were waiting for Tahlia, I had been keeping busy with taking care of Jazzie and I wasn't consumed by the wait like I was with Jazzie. But when the call came on May 23, 2005 I was just as emotional and happy as I was the day that we received Jazzie's referral.
However, when I first saw Tahlia's referral pictures I was taken back by the fact that I wasn't sure how I felt about this child. I had fallen in love with Jazzie's referral pictures immediately and I had expected the same thing to happen upon seeing Tahlia's referral pictures, but it didn't. I stared and stared at her pictures, trying to feel something. I couldn't sleep at night because I wasn't even sure if the girl in these pictures was really my daughter:
I had haunting thoughts of there being some sort of mistake and up until the very moment that I saw Tahlia for the first time in China, I had doubts whether or not all of this was meant to be. Of course, upon taking her in my arms, all those doubts went away. She is my girl and I love her.
Just like with Jazzie, I have taken Tahlia's picture with her referral picture on the anniversary of our referral day. Here she is today:
And last year:
And the year before that:
Tahlia, I want you to know that where there was once doubt, there is now only certainty. Certainty that I love you, that I am meant to be your mom and that you are meant to be my girl... And where there was once fear, there is now love; heartwarming love for you.