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Tuesday, September 30, 2008



PAD is such a difficult thing. So many feelings of confusion and guilt. I've been there and it's comforting to know others have been there too.

Your girls are beautiful and it's so obvious that you love them with all your heart!



That is a wonderful picture of the two of you.

Somedays when I'm just exhausted, I'm so ready for Sera to go to bed. Then we end up in the rocker at the end of her night time routine, and I just want to freeze time.


Beautiful thoughts-thanks so much for sharing. I loved your comment on my blog-I appreciate you sharing what you went through with your daughter-I feel so much comfort from knowing I am not going through this alone. Ella has made huge strides in her night terror issues-thank goodness for me.


I cannot imagine what you went through in dealing with your PAD.

We had and still have sleep issues with Sarah and it can be very difficult to times it made me doubt my own abilities to be a good and nurturing mother.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your honesty and I am so glad that you were able to work through things....don't ever forget what an amazing mother you are to those two beautiful girls!


As a person with regular old PPD, and clinical depression (or bipolar I, who knows anymore) I want to send you a cyber hug. It is so hard knowing how much you love your child and how much you dread being with her. My first 7 months was like that and I completely understand how you felt....


I know that I've read some of your posts in the past about PAD. I have a close friend who experienced the same thing. It is so wonderful to see how your lives have progressed to the place where you can rock her and feel the love, peace and attachment. I truly appreciate your posts about this issue.


What a great and timely post. I just got home from China with my third child and the instant connection I felt to him has induced a lot of guilt in me about the disconnection I felt with our middle child. I don't think I really felt that overwhelming I-would-die-for-you love for almost a year. I also had PAD and have been so relieved that it hasn't recurred (yet) with this adoption. I wish I had fallen instantly in love with my sweet second daughter like I did with her sister and brother. I try to make up for it every day now though!


I really appreciate you linking to my post! Thank you for your kind words.

I am sorry that you had such a hard time with Tahlia's sleeping issues and your PAD. I know that your honesty about your situation is truly a lifeline to people experiencing the same thing.

When I first came home with Briana, I was so sick the first few months. I remember trying to rock her and feeling like I just couldn't do it. I wanted to enjoy it but all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I doubted my ability as a mom. I am very glad it was short lived.

Beautiful post as always...


Amelia had a lot of sleep issues when we came home and I blammed myself for going back to work too soon. When you finally shared what had happened with Talley I felt a lot less guilt.
No, Amelia didn't have nearly the same challenges that Talley did in becoming secure, but there were nights where I just didn't think I could do it for a minute longer as she was thrashing through another night terror.
I wish we'd both opened up back then as I think we could have helped each other through it.
Thank you for sharing now, as I know you are helping a lot of other parents!!!

Tonggu Momma

I'm a lurker here for the most part, but I'd love to link to this this weekend on my Sunday Linkage page. Would that be alright?


I have such respect for your raw honesty and beautiful writing. Thank you. Your humanity is such a comfort to so many of us...both those with kids already at home and those still waiting to take on the challenges of motherhood.


This post came at such an odd time. Just tonight I was looking at some of Erin's pics from China. The pic I was looking at is dated 6/9/2003. I'm in my nightgown, holding Erin & giving her a bottle. Erin came to us on June 2nd. It took until a few minutes before that pic was shot for us to figure out how to get Erin to eat. Before that, David & I told no one of our worries. Basically for 8 days my 10 month old baby was not eating. The smile on my face is totally happy & completely serene. I had just figured out that Erin would take a bottle only if it was hotter than you & I drink a cup of coffee. I was so scared to feed her before that knowing she was rejecting me.

Erin didn't reject me any more than you didn't love Tahlia. It just took the 4 of us a long time to figure things out. How I wish your journey through this had been easier.

So. Enjoy rocking your sweet Tahlia. It's a beautiful thing.


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