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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Comments

donna

I meant to also say that it kinda annoys me when someone decides that something benign and previously considered just fine is now offensive. As if, somehow, the speaker's motives are suddenly different?

My kids will never confuse the day I held them for the very first time with the day I grabbed a fly-swatter and smashed a filthy fly!

When someone says "real" instead of "bio", I gently correct them by saying "Oh, you mean are they biologically related?" Then I answer "No, they're not biologically related but they're my REAL child (or REAL sisters)." And I'm sure to smile and put the emphasis on "real".

.... and I'm sure this would offend an anti-adoption "birth parent" who would claim that I have no right to the title: "Real". Of course, that same person would be offended to be called a "Birth Parent". Really, I have no idea what the most recent PC term for birth-parent is but I'm sure that whatever it is, it'll change again soon!

Donna

donna

We proudly say "Gotcha" too. It's one way we hope to help our children come to learn that it's possible to choose to look at something and NOT be offended. Especially when something is said to you by people who love you and is meant only with the deepest affection. Like when my husband calls me his "girl". It makes me love him even more for trusting me with his political incorrectness!

:)

Donna

Heather

I prefer Family Day as well, but I don't find Gotcha offensive... I think it's a matter of personal preference for personal reasons.

I know I rarely comment (but I often read!) but I had to say that the pic of you crying while holding Tahlia in your arms is one of my favorite, if not my top fav picture of a parent meeting their child for the first time. I've seen it here twice now I believe, and not this makes the third time... and I've teared up with each time I've seen it :) It's simply beautiful...

Tammie

We use Gotcha Day for June 2nd - the day we all got each other. We use Forever Family Day for June 3rd - the day we officially adopted each other.

tracy

I have no feelings on any of it. I haven't given it much thought and I don't really plan on overanalyzing it either. To each his own I guess. I think it's interesting though to hear all the verbage from everyone, I'm sure I'll have more thoughts a few years down the road and no doubt the comment, "how much will she cost you?" ticks me off good and I hope for the persons sake they don't ever ask me "is she really yours?" argh....

Connie

Amen to that post!

fricke92@yahoo.com

We use "family day" mostly because we weren't all in China on the day she and I first met. Not much offends me, though, except the 1 or 2 times I've been asked how much she cost! :)

Kristy Rodriguez

VERY well said...beautiful!!!! I am trying even sixteen years later to not be offended when people say , things like "real daughter", "adopted daughter", things like that , it just drives me crazy!! We are all adopted by HIM, so what difference does blood make. My children are MY children.

Love and blessings, Kristy

Torkel

We call it Family Day, which is exactly what it is. We have a Family Day for each of our adopted children. "Gotcha" sounds like it was a competition between who should get the baby, and we won, just before someone else. Metcha is not technically correct as we did meet our child about 1 week before they were handed over to our care. Adoption Day has the problem that there are so many days to pick from; the day they were handed over to us; the day the adoption was finally made legal in a court in our own country, etc... Family Day takes away all this and makes it all into a celebration of our family with our child as the center of the day. BTW, today is out youngest's Family Day.

Happy family Day everyone.

Tonggu Momma

We use the term Metcha Day because it's not technically our Adoption Day, which came 24 hours later. It is very much a family choice - we respect other people's choices, but we also want them to respect our choice. Gotcha is just not a term that resonates with us.

amy

i think gothca is a good word. it is really american and kinda shows the transfer from one culture to another in my opinion. and it sounds better. i hope i get know the joy of a gotcha day in the future.

thanks for the temanology lesson. i don't think i would ask anybody anything like that anyway. although i have been asked that often about my son. it is kinda embarrising because i am his birth mom, he is just so dark. we are a lovely rainbow here i guess germany just isn't ready for it! lol.

<3 amy

Paula

I agree. I'm not there yet but have no problem with "gotcha". It's a day I've been waiting for, for a VERY long time!

Love the pics. I've been following your story since before it was a blog. The pics bring back memories as I'm sure they do for you too! Where has the time gone?

Joannah

I love that you do not get hung up on semantics. To each his own, but I think as a society, we are much too easily offended. The beautiful thing is that you've got your sweet girls and they've got you!

Sharie

I agree that it should be up to the individual family. I try to stick with Forever Family - now, I jut think it sounds more, well forever. However most of my family still calls it Gotcha Day...Amelia calls it "The day we met in China."

Krista

I'm with you. I'm a pretty laid back, easy going person who knows what to get upset about and who doesn't sweat the small stuff. I plan to raise my daughter to be that way as well. Hopefully... LOL!

But the point being, every individual person can call it anything they want. Personal choice. And I may decide to call it Gotcha Day. Just haven't really given it much thought yet.

Neuromama

We call those days our Adoption Days. I didn't really have a problem with Gotcha Day until I read some adult adoptees' opinions on that term. Every single one of them found it offensive or trivializing, even the ones who didn't seem angry about adoption in general. So, we don't use that term now.

Diana

I actually had a my sons friend mom (she is a high school teacher) ask me tonight if Nicholas was born in Columbus and I said "No, he was born in Korea but we lived in Phoenix at the time and then said both of our boys were adopted from Korea" she had NO idea he was adopted and then she ask me if they were brothers.."I replied biological No, Brothers Yes"!
I have to honestly say I would NEVER think ask someone that.

Magi

That's funny. We both wrote about the same day. Completely different posts, but about the same day.

I like Family Day, but don't have a big problem with gotcha. In fact, we play the "gotcha" game all the time. I prefer family day because gotcha seems a little silly. Like a game. And that day was many things for me, but never silly.

If anyone else prefers gotcha, go for it.

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