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Friday, January 30, 2009

Comments

M3

Thanks for explaining what you've done that has worked. I always learn something by reading your posts.

tracy

I applaud your open discussion with your girls. I truly believe there is no shame in honesty and talking about their adoption. It is what it is and it is a very beautiful thing.

Catherine

Thank you for sharing this Sandra. So many questions I've had have been answered here. Each of us needs to do what is best for our familes but there is a lot here that I would like to learn from. Thanks again.

Mei-Ling

I have always wondered how moms would talk to their daughters about China's OCP. I mean, how the heck do parents tell their children "Boys are preferred in China. You were likely abandoned because you were born a girl."

Obviously I don't think parents would choose that type of wording, but in the end, that is what it is. And this generation of adoptees will sooner or later come to that realization. I imagine it will greatly hurt.

"But I recently read some writings by an adult adoptee who struggled with the fact that she was always told that her birth parents loved her, but then didn't understand why her birthparents didn't keep her."

I don't know if my blog was the one you stumbled across or not? But those do echo some of my thoughts.

It's one thing to understand intellectually why you weren't kept, but another thing emotionally. Unfortunately, they aren't always mutual...

I applaud you for discussing things as openly and honestly as possible - it will no doubt set your relationship on a safer foundation.

Krista

Thanks for the advice. I plan on following it. I hope my daughter is as comfortable with talking about it as Jazzie.

Tammie

I think you & Matt have been as open & honest as you can be with all your children. Jazzie talks with pride because you have shown her that there is no other way. Tahlia will follow along in these steps.

Erin has never questioned her adoption. It isn't because we dance around the topic but because right now, she is content to live her life the way it is. David & I are her parents. There are no other parents in her life. However, she has heard us discuss her bio parents in reference to her looks, build & nature. I wish I knew why she doesn't question it but my guess is she isn't ready. When the day comes, I hope that I can do as good a job as you have.

Joannah

You have handled her origins just beautifully. No wonder she's confident and proud of who she is.

lora

Thank You Sandra. That helps, I pray I do as good a job with my girl as you are dong with yours!
lora

Sharie

Sandra,
Amelia and I often talk about her "China Mom" and recently I realized I wasn't talking about her "China Dad" I could tell when I brought that up - she was more sad than usual. It's another thing to face as a single parent - knowing she had 2 parents in China - and they were probably together. Now that we've talked about it a few times she's ok with the fact that she doesn't have a dad here - at least today...

She'll ask me at the strangest times to tell her the story of when I got her in China - at the grocery store, on the way into school - but usually it's at bed. I think she likes to dream about it:)

Our lives our extra special because of our girl's first parents...I just think it's right to honor them

beverly

This is what G and I have always done, kept it open and as honest as we can with what we know! amazing to me the number of families who don't talk or don't know how to even start talking about it.

maryellen

I agree that it has to be a subject that is addressed/talked about as often as the child wants....I also think that a childs personality also needs to be taken in to consideration. It is something I think we all worry about, how can we reassure our girls and boys that they have ALWAYS been loved.

carol

Sandra,
I agree 100%. Tori ask often and we give her age appropiate information. Like Jazzie she is deep and takes things to heart. One word that has never come up is "abandoned". We just arent there yet. But she does ask often why they couldnt keep her. Bella on the other hand wouldnt care if she was hatched from a chicken. She is my girl...I am her mom and she just wants basic, generic info. Amazing how different they are. You are an amazing mom!
Carol

Angela

Sandra, thank you so much for sharing how you are raising such confident and proud young ladies!
I hope to do the same with Ella
Angela :)

JamieLauren

Sandra, you're awesome! I think your friend’s child probably doesn't ask because there isn't an open and on-going dialog like there is in your home. The problem is, if not now, when will there be? And whereas Jazzie doesn't hesitate to ask you questions or share what's on her mind, this lady's daughter may not feel comfortable doing that one day. I don't what is right or wrong nor do I believe I have the authority to say one way or another. I just know that when I'm in your shoes one day, I will make the same choice you have made and hopefully do it as well as you seem to have.

Paula

I whole heartedly agree. It's so important to be honest and keep the lines of communication open. It provides kids with a much needed sense of security and belonging. I don't have my little one yet, but when I do, I will certainly be following your example. Thanks for sharing.

Lisa

I love this post. I love your honesty with your girls. I plan to do the same with Briana. I just got done with a toddler lifebook for her. I can't wait to read it with her.

3D

Thank you so much for sharing this! It is a topic I give a lot of thought to and fear messing it up. I will do what feels natural but I really appreciate knowing what others parents are doing and what seems to work for them. Your approach and honesty is very much in line with my (and our) thoughts.

Keep smilin!

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