...we received Tahlia's referral. I honestly don't remember much about the day and if it hadn't been for the fact that I wrote it on the calender, I might have totally forgotten about it. Unlike Jazzie's referral day which is still so ingrained in my mind, I remember very little about Tahlia's. When we were waiting for Tahlia, I was just so busy with taking care of Jazzie and I wasn't consumed by the wait like I was with Jazzie. But when the call came on May 23, 2005 I was just as emotional and happy as I was the day that we received Jazzie's referral.
However, when I first saw Tahlia's referral pictures I was taken back by the fact that I wasn't sure how I felt about this child. I had fallen in love with Jazzie's referral pictures immediately and I had expected the same thing to happen upon seeing Tahlia's referral pictures, but it didn't. I stared and stared at her pictures, trying to feel something. I felt guilty for not falling in love with her. I couldn't sleep at night because I wasn't even sure if the girl in these pictures was really my daughter:
I had haunting thoughts of there being some sort of mistake and up until the very moment that I saw Tahlia for the first time in China, I had doubts whether or not all of this was meant to be. Of course, upon taking her in my arms, all those doubts went away. She is my girl and I love her and there is no doubt that she was meant to be with us.
Just like I've done with with Jazzie, I have taken Tahlia's picture with her referral picture on the anniversary of our referral day. Here she is today:
And last year:
Happy Referral Day, Tahlia. We love you so much!