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Saturday, January 02, 2010

Comments

school_dubl

Happy New Year! The author write more I liked it.

Antivirus_man

The new year is already knocking at the door, let it will bring only happiness and joy.

Buy_Viagra

I think you are not quite right and you should still studying the matter.

RamonGustav

Hi I liked your note, add your site to your bookmarks.

tracy

Sandra, I could have written this post word for word. J&I watched it and for the first time ever, J didn't even fall asleep watching a movie at night;0) We were both floored and our eyes were opened to so much. I wonder how Eme will see herself in a family photo. Will it pain her to be the only Asian girl in the photo or can we pull this parenting gig off with the knowledge that we have? The film is powerful and it should be watched by every.single.person adopting a child. I know how I feel about her, but I have no clue how she will feel about us. Adoption is no fairy tale, it's filled with the realization that pain had to have come first. Sad, but true. That's why we won't celebrate 'gotcha day'. The greatest day of my life came at the expense of her pain, her abandonment. Great post Sandra & we were also floored at what men thought of Asian women. It was almost more than my heart could bare.

Krista

Wow. Just wow.

I'm going to google this right now so that I can find it and buy it. Thanks for the info.

Jacqui

Hi Sandra,
Thanks for posting on my blog to let me know how you liked the film.
I'm glad you can admit how naive you were when you adopted your girls. I didn't realize how clueless I was at the time until I saw the film. It's amazing how much you can learn in such a short time. I felt as if the directors were following us for such a long time, but not nearly long enough to show my education on being Roma's mother.
Your daughters are beautiful.
Jacqui
ps:
For those of you that are getting the film from Netflix. I understand it's only the main film and does not include the companion DVD. I highly recommend you find a way to watch the companion DVD when you can.
Another suggestion for more learning is Patty Cogen's book "Parenting your Internationally Adopted Child" http://www.pattycogenparenting.info/


Briana's Mom

I really want to see this documentary. I need to get it.

I think about this topic on a daily basis. I was in a restaurant the other day by myself. I looked around and saw one African American couple and everyone else in the restaurant was white. I wondered how they felt being the only people in the restaurant of a different race. I immediately thought of Briana in that moment.

I also think about Briana's situation when it comes to where she feels she belongs. She is a Chinese American living in a Caucasian family. She isn't immersed in Chinese culture and she isn't learning the language right now. So she really can't relate to Chinese children living with Chinese parents. I think that is why I try so hard to make sure Briana has friends in the same situation as her. Other kids that are adopted living in Caucasian households. These kids will be the support system for each other because they are the only ones that really understand what they are going through.

Bri understands she was born in China, but I don't think she fully grasps the meaning of that yet. I have my toddler lifebook ready for her when she's ready to look at it.

I've already had one experience with Racism with Briana and it hurt me to the core.

Cora

Thanks for the info. I am sorry, I read your blog and don't comment all that much but i do love reading. This is something that my husband and I will be sure to check out. I watched some of the excerpts and am impressed we did the 10 hours of adoption training through an online company and found it useless but this really looks like a tool that will help.
Thanks again,
Cora

Gretchen

Thanks for sharing this. I have one coming from Netflix next week. I'm anxious to see this and, hopefully, share it with several other adoptive moms in my social circle.

Fran Seymore

my daughter had to address several international adoption issues with her daughters. The oldest is really having a hard time with being "given away" by her birthparents. The youngest daughter acts as she could care less. If you want to read about these issues, go to chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com
Fran, grandmother to Zoe and Maya, both from China

Michele

I saw this at an event sponsored by my FCC and the directors both spoke. The movie is eye opening to say the least. To hear them elaborate was so moving. I bought the dvds and have watched them a couple of times, each time picking something different up to ponder. There are so many people who don't consider many of the things addressed in this documentary and for those children, I am so sorry. As parents, we have to educate ourselves and our children at the very least. Great post!!!

Michele
everydayadventuresofemilyandalyssa.blogspot.com

Polar Bear

I think both Ryan and I need to see this movie. I worry a lot about what it will be like for our daughter growing up in such a small town. A town where change is not very welcome.

I know that our girl will have opportunities to know and interact with other Chinese girls, but it is still difficult when her day to day life will be in a world full of white beads.

I'm glad this topic is out there and I can learn and be aware. Thank you.

Tammie

I haven't had the chance to see this movie yet. My FCC group had a screening but we had a conflict with Erin's karate class. I try to keep her routine the same so we don't throw her. I still want to see it though.

When David & I chose to adopt, we decided against countries where the children would resemble us for personal reasons. China was our logical conclusion - especially since I have cousins who are Chinese. David's family had a much harder time with this decision than mine did because of my Chinese cousins. That doesn't mean it was easy by any means.

Erin started rejecting anything Chinese from the minute she was placed in my arms. Her screams whenever she heard Chinese were screams of anger. You could see a change in her physical being. It is only recently that she is coming to accept that she is Chinese although she loves her China friends.

During this vacation, she has started to make comments which indicate she is getting ready to start talking. I only hope that David & I handle it with grace. I worry constantly about her coming to terms with her abandonment & adoption.

Maryellen

This film knocked my socks off too! The bead demonstration was powerful, and all the same things that really resonated with you had a similar impact on me...it is hard to know where to start!

I have a photo album that is filled with pictures of Sophie while she was in China. At 3 she still doesn't see the "difference" so I try to talk about "when you lived in China...when Mommy and Daddy went to China to bring you home..." But it is hard because she has not connected the dots. I don't want her to ever remember being "told" she was adopted.

robin

Marty and I thought the same exact thoughts when we watched the film. The cup example totally brought tears to my eyes because Maddy will never have another sibling who looks like her. Her cup will always only have yellow beads except for her friends from all over the US. Our school system is 98% white, our community is the same. Even our church is predominantly white with the occasional adopted child from guatamala and Maddy from China. Maddy has already had to deal with little girls (in church no less AND being the worship ministers daughter) being mean to her because she is different. During practices when she tries to play with them, this little girl and one other, Molly will tell Maddy... "We are the princesses and you are a witch" " We are princesses because we are the same". etc etc. Thankfully when Molly isn't around, Maycie plays with Maddy like there is no difference. Still, it hurts my heart to see a 4 year old be this way to Maddy because she is different looking than herself. :0(
I was TOTALLY appalled at what the men said about Asian women. So was Marty. He said he has never in his life ever thought that about an Asian woman and can't believe there are men out there that do. I can believe it I guess but I didn't realize it was as prominent as that. It saddens me that Maddy will have to deal with all of that later in life. It's hard enough to be a girl in college let alone have to fight off men who have this warped sense of "she's exotic, etc etc etc".
The other scene that really tore at my heart was when she was sitting in the Korean restaurant saying that she looked like them, but had nothing in common with them. She couldn't talk to them. When Maddy goes out on her own, she will be a Chinese woman and she won't speak Chinese, won't behave Chinese etc. If she went to China, she would have nothing in common except for her looks. Marty and I have discussed Chinese school for Maddy but we also don't want to make her feel she HAS to be 'chinese' if she wants to be 'american'. does that make sense.

Debby

Sandra; Our FCC group has this film & has shown it on several occassions. I've not had the opportunity to see it in its entirity, but have seen & had some similar light bulb moments as you. Gives you a pause to consider how well you are doing vs how well you THINK you're doing, raising these incredible girls, who are a different race, & whose beginnings are son different than most of our own.

ShariU

Wow, Sandra, thanks for posting this. I haven't seen the movie, but I've been reading some stuff on line from adult adoptees and my eyes have really been opened. When I adopted Abby, she was just a baby and it all seemed like such a win-win for all of us. I guess I kind of bought in to the "I love you like crazy cakes" idea and I've come to realize that my precious daughter had a beginning before I became her mother. I think it's important we, as adoptive parents, come to terms with this so we can help our children process their own stories. Thank you for sharing this.

heather

I've been wanting to see this movie for a long time- the little YouTube clips are amazing to me.

Sharie

I started writing a LONG comment, then decided a post was in order:)

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