Matt called me on my cell phone so that I could talk to Tahlia, but she cried so hard that I wasn't even able to. There have been a few more incidents lately that tell me that Tahlia is still not 100% certain that we are a forever family. Five years after coming home, she is still not sure that I will ALWAYS be here and that I will always come back.
We were watching some old home movies over the weekend. For the first 18 months after coming home, Tahlia didn't smile much. She always had an unsure and worried look on her face. Watching those movies reminded me of how hard it was in the beginning (Tahlia suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It took her FOREVER to trust us (especially Matt). And even though Tahlia has come so far, there are still moments when her fears come back to the surface.
The other day, I was explaining the word "punishment" to the girls. I was giving examples of what a punishment might be if they misbehaved (like being grounded, no TV, no Wii, no playing outside, etc.). Then Jazzie asked me if they would ever be sent back to China as a punishment. The sheer look of terror on Tahlia's face at even the thought of that was heartbreaking.
As much as I reassure the girls that nothing can ever separate us as a family and as much as people think that they are well rounded and well adjusted children, it is obviously still a work in progress...