This quote really speaks to me. For many years I was stuck in an unhealthy place, because I didn't think I could change. I used to think I was too weak, too overweight, not smart enough, not worthy enough, etc. Every single self-loathing thought you can think of, I probably had it. I spent WAY too much time dwelling on my weaknesses and shortcomings, instead of focusing on what was positive about me. This was largely in part of my lack of self-esteem.
I can't really pinpoint when things turned around for me. Joining Weight Watchers and training for the Flying Pig Marathon certainly was part of it. Never did I imagine I would ever run a marathon. "I am not a runner, I have never ran before in my entire life; there is no way I can do this", I would say to myself and it held me back. I, myself, held me back. But then I gained more self esteem and something changed inside of me. I KNEW that I could run that marathon. I knew it in my heart. I had 100% confidence within myself that I was going to do it, and I did. This newfound confidence has been the biggest change for me since losing weight.
I am often asked by people how I am doing it, how I am sticking with it, how I get the motivation to get out there and run all the time. The answer is simple. I don't ever want to go back to the way I used to be. I don't want to be held back by negative things that I used to tell myself. My old way of thinking used to be that I simply didn't have the will power to do anything and that I would probably fail anyway. I can't, I can't, I can't. Well, it turns out that I can. Back then I simply chose not to. But now I choose to be strong, happy and confident and I know what to do in order to stay that way.
The other day Jazzie was looking at pictures on my phone and she came across three pictures of the three of us (Jazzie, Tahlia and me) eating lunch at the mall. Her comments:
"Tahlia is happy because she got to bring her stuffed animal to the mall".
"I'm happy because I got to eat lo mein AND fried rice".
"Mommy is happy because she is eating a healthy salad".
And that's just it; I've said it before - it's mostly about being healthier. I have tried hard to correct the girls whenever they say something about mommy wanting to be skinny or wanting to lose weight. "Mommy wants to be healthier". I am a healthy, happy person who is in control of herself. Like Jillian Michaels says: "At the end of the day, your health is your responsibility".